Untitled for Now
by c0ldcomfort
Summary: “He didn’t know what was wrong with him. All he knew was that he wanted her with a passion. Funny thing was, she hated him with a passion.” updated
1. Prologue

Untitled for Now

By Tina N. Blair

Disclaimer: The Mediator series belongs to Jenny Carroll (Meg Cabot).

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: PG 13

Summary: "He didn't know what was wrong with him.  All he knew was that he wanted her with a passion.  Funny thing was, she hated him with a passion."

Author's Notes:  Every time I go on fanfiction.net, I always see fanfics that make Paul Slater out to be the devil incarnate.  I'm not saying those fanfics are horrible, in fact, I do like reading them.  I wanted to write something different.  I'm intrigued by Paul's character.  I think he's deeper than he shows and his home life isn't all peaches and creams.  I don't know if this is going to be Suze/Jesse or Suze/Paul.  In fact, I'm not sure if Suze is going to end up as *anyone's* girlfriend.  

Prologue

      Susannah Simon.

     The name was enough to make him shiver.  When he first saw her, he thought the Pebble Beach Hotel and Golf Resort's uniform didn't flatter her, much to her chagrin.  And yet, he was captivated with her at the beginning.  And he didn't know she was like him, a shifter, at that point, either.

     What was it about her that made his skin crawl?  She was pretty; there was no denying that.  But he had seen plenty of pretty girls.  She was sharp, what with all those comebacks she had thrown in his face ("Don't make me kick your tanned ass all the way back to Seattle, Slater.").  But she wasn't the first girl that threw him down, well, maybe the first girl to *literally* throw him down, but not the first girl to reject him.  More like the second.  She was smart but there were many others that were just as smart, if not even more.  So what was wrong with him?  Why did she have this hold on him?

      He didn't know what was wrong with him.  All he knew was that he wanted her with a passion.  Funny thing was, she hated him with a passion.  

      Maybe it was because of his attempted (keyword there being 'attempted') exorcism of her precious Jesse.  Man, did that guy—er, ghost, piss him off to no end.  And he hardly even talked to the dude!  But he was getting off-topic.  Why did Susannah (he preferred to call her Suze instead) hate him so much?  He apologized to her and sent her flowers after the incident in his bedroom (although he did not regret his actions except for scaring her).

      And you know what pissed him off the most?  The fact that she chose Jesse over him.  A freaking *ghost* over someone *real*.  If that wasn't a major blow to his ego, he didn't know what was.  But it wasn't just his ego that was hurt.  For once, in a long time, he felt alone.  Maybe the reason why he was attracted to her so much was the fact that she was also a shifter herself.  She would understand him in ways no one else can or ever will.  His parents didn't understand him.  Hell, he barely saw his parents.  The only reason he existed was the carry on the family name and for his parents to show him off to the regular country club broads.

      He was used to getting his way.  All the time.  When he wanted the silver convertible Mustang, he worked his ass off with several odd jobs (that pissed his parents off to no end).  When he wanted to be Seattle Grove High's athlete of the year, he worked his body out to no end.  He spent all his time training and it paid off.  He won.  When he saw a pretty girl that he liked, he got her.  

He.  Got.  Everything.  He.  Wanted.

      So why was Suze any different?

      ...Because it wouldn't be as interesting if she wasn't.


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: The Mediator series belongs to Jenny Carroll (Meg Cabot).

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: PG 13

Summary: "He didn't know what was wrong with him.  All he knew was that he wanted her with a passion.  Funny thing was, she hated him with a passion."

Author's Notes:  Sorry I haven't updated this sooner.  School was hectic and I finally got the chance to work on this story again, during the winter break.  Here's the new part, guys!  It's in Suze's POV.

Part One 

      I agreed to talk to him more, about shifting from the living and the dead — against Jesse's wishes.  In fact, Jesse and me had argued back and forth one another about the issue.  He popped in my house and we argued.  

      "I don't trust him, querida.  He has, the expression was, 'bad news' written all over him." Jesse had declared to me, when I was walking down the stairs and was on my way to meet up with Paul.

      It's a good thing that my parents aren't home.  If they saw me arguing with the air, they'd... well I'd rather not go through *those* scenarios.  I have enough problems on my plate right now.  Specifically about a nineteenth-century ghost that I'm madly in love with and Paul Slater.  For some reason, I'm starting to regret even making plans to talk to Paul.  The guy is more trouble than he's worth.  Which, wasn't a lot, in my point of view.  So sue me, the guy did try to kill me (which he keeps on saying that he didn't) and tried to send my boyfriend to the great beyond.  

            ...Except for the part where he's not my boyfriend, but those were just words.  My relationship with Jesse is complicated.  I mean, he's a ghost and I'm, well, I'm Susannah Simon.  I think that sums it up nicely.  Oh yeah, I never did go over what happened after our second kiss.            Well, after that amazing kiss in the cemetery where he, I think it was by accident, told me how he felt about me, we sat down on his grave and talked.  Which was pretty weird in itself because we were sitting on his *grave* of all places to have this type of conversation.  But hey, I wasn't about to complain.  A girl's gotta make do with what she's got. 

      "What are we going to do Susannah?" he asked me while holding my hand.  I know that I'm blushing right now but I can't bring myself to care.  All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamt of was right here with me.  And this time, it wasn't a dream.  

      But then reality slammed its thunder-packed fist into my face and I know that if Jesse and me were to have a relationship, it wouldn't be like a fairytale.  It also wouldn't be fair.    

      ...Being a mediator sucked.  Big time.  And I'm not even sure if I'm a mediator or a shifter.  So, it sucked.  A lot.

      I think I might have scared him a little bit — what with me not answering for at least a pretty good five minutes — because he asked me if I was even paying attention to him.  Oops.

      "To tell the truth, I don't know Jesse.  I mean, you're a ghost.  Not that that's bad, it just... complicates things even further.  I mean—"

      "It wouldn't be fair to you," he murmured.  

I don't know if I was meant to hear that, but me, having the big mouth that I do, answered, "It's not just me.  It wouldn't be fair to you either."

      The conversation was pretty much, excuse the lame pun, dead right then and there.

      "Things aren't gonna be the same again, are they?" he asked me.

      "...Do you regret what happened with us, Jesse?" I think he heard the sadness in my voice because he immediately said that he didn't.  

      I tired to think up solutions, any solution, where the outcome would be us having a perfect relationship.  I never knew thinking could be this hard, because I couldn't think of any solution.  Jesse's right:  if we were to have a relationship, it wouldn't be fair to either of us.  Well, mostly me, as far as I could think of.  No one could see him and we wouldn't be able to do everyday couple-stuff together like go to the movies just to make out, or go to a school dance (well, if I would ever, in a million years, go to a dance), or even taking a walk somewhere and having the best conversation that two people could have about the things they loved.  We couldn't do that.  The most we could do was just hang out in a dark corner where no one could see us, at all, and maybe then, we could just *talk*.  What happens when we wanna kiss or something?  We'd have to sneak out somewhere where no one could catch us, well me, kissing thin air.

      "I think we should just," he started slowly, "be friends.  A relationship would never work out between us.  We're just—"

      "From different worlds?" I whispered, my mood completely ruined now.  

      "Given time, I think we'll be able to get past this.  Maybe, we'll get over it.  It's not as if your feelings for me are serious, are they Susannah?"

      I quickly stood up and turned away from him, hiding the fact that I was starting to cry.  Despite the fact that I wanted to laugh at his use of slang ("get over it"), I couldn't.  Of course my feelings weren't serious for him.  I mean, I risked my life by exorcising myself in order to save his life, or what was left of it.  I went into the Shadowland, which completely freaks me out (and let me tell you, I don't scare easily) to bring him back, because I didn't feel much for him.  Of course I'm not serious about my feelings for him.  

      That was sarcasm, by the way.  

      "No, it's not as if my feelings for you are serious.  I'm sure I'll get 'over it' by the end of the week." I answered him.  Thankfully my voice was steady.  Hopefully it was believable.  It was obvious that *his* feelings weren't serious.  I'm not gonna lose my friendship with him just because I was in love with him.  It'll be easier if he thinks that we're just friends.  

      "So we're just friends" he replied.

      God, I hate him so much right now.

      So that was how it was gonna be, I guess.  We'll just go on with our lives, or afterlives as a ghost, and try to pretend that we never kissed.  Pretend that I'm not in love with him.  

      I've been pretending for quite some time.  

      "Susannah, I don't want you to go meet with Paul," Jesse told me when I reached the door.  His statement snapped me out of my reverie and I remembered that I was on my way to Paul's house to talk to him about shifting.

      I was suddenly mad at Jesse at the moment.  How dare he!  He had no right to be angry that I was meeting Paul to learn more about shifting.  He knew I needed to know about it and Paul was my only chance to find out.  

      "Jesse, look.  Paul is my only chance to find out about myself.  So 'get over it'!" I shouted and walked out of the house, my house in fact, and started walking to Paul's.

      I know that he was just worried about me.  That he was worried that Paul might pull something and hurt me.  I understand that.  I just didn't want to hear him worry about me because I am trying to get over him.  I have to.  He made it perfectly clear that he wasn't serious about me and so, I have to be not serious about him.  If he was worrying about me, I know that I would start to fall for him even more.  And that can't happen.  

      When Paul answered the door, I was in a bad mood.  

      "Hey babe.  Ready for the time of your life?" he greeted me, all the while, annoying me at the same time.

      I remind myself that kicking his ass so hard that he wouldn't be able to utter another word would be wrong.  That he was my only hope to learning more about myself.  

      Why exactly did I agree to meet with him?


End file.
